3:32p - Bed rest and other joys
I haven't been able to write for several weeks. Until just today the only internet access I had was at work. I haven't been at work in several weeks since I have been put on partial bed rest. In some ways it is kinda fun being put under doctor's orders to be a couch potato -- then the inevitable boredom sets in. Although mine is not my dream job it does give me something to do with my time.
As this pregnancy progresses so has my physical discomfort. I am one who could only sleep on my stomach and so it is difficult trying to sleep in any other position. My belly is getting too big to sleep on my tummy. SweetPea also seems to protest when I try to lay on my stomach (unless she also is alseep at the time) but when I lay on my tummy I can feel her kick more.
She is a very active baby and although it does cause some discomfort I am glad for it as I have been praying for a healthy, happy, active child. A friend and I went to see The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe this past weekend and she kicked practically throughout the whole movie. This past Sunday I spent most of the time during the sermon at church standing up at the back since she was kicking so much I could not get comfortable. My pastor keeps teasing me that although I don't consider myself "pentecostal" in that my worship tends to be more reserved that my baby is certainly "pentecostal". It is true though that she kicks and gets active during church and prayer meetings and bible studies .....
I have been using this time of partial bedrest to get my spiritual house in order. God had been bringing up things from my past for me to work through so as it won't be baggage I carry into my relationship with my daughter. I thank God over and over again that these things end with me and I break off anything that would hold my little girl back. Now it is time to build into the future as well. I want so much to give this child everything I can that will be of benefit to her. As I've written before I never knew I could love the way that I am loving this little one growing inside of me.
This will be the first Christmas I have ever spent away from my family apart from the mission trip I took to Cuba when I was in university. I am finding myself feeling very homesick and missing my family so very much. I look around at other people's Christmas preparations and I find myself thinking on Christmas with my family. How the house would smell so wonderfully of holiday baking and of the friends that would come over for dinner on Christmas Eve. The fantastic meal my Mom would create and the fun and conversation of being with friends I hadn't seen in a long time. I always enjoy Christmas Eve so much when I was at home. My parents home is in a very pretty neighbourhood with a lot of mature trees and they have a large backyard. Usually it snows on Christmas Eve and their yard begins to look like a Christmas Card or an etching by Currier and Ives. The snow falling gently on the trees, catching the ambient light from the moon and sparkling softly like muted diamonds as it falls to the ground is so beautiful, and it takes the bareness of the trees and covers them so they look like something from a magical kingdom.
Christmas day is fun too, I loved watching my nephew this past Christmas as he opened not only his own presents but everyone elses too (ok, so at 2 he was really enthusiastic at the present opening thing ...lol). Poor Joshua was given a cool race track set last Christmas and I think his Dad and his Aunt spent more time playing with it then he did at times (OK, so I always wanted my own race track when I was a kid .... can you blame me??? ) I would love to be able to watch him this year too, and to catch up with my sister, brother-in-law, nephew, parents and friends. However, that is not an option available to me. My father still is not speaking to me and even should I be able to afford to get back to Ontario for Christmas I would not be able to go home ....
My estimated due date is in two months. I think at times I want her out NOW and other times I am just as glad I have these couple of months since I feel I still have so much more to do to prepare for her. I am so glad my Mom will be coming though when the baby is born. It will have been about a year since I have seen her and I miss her so very much. I think at that point in time too I will just want my Mom around. Sometimes when I think about being a single parent I get overwhelmed by everything. Then I remind myself that life is not an accident and although I do not think having children without being married is right I also know that life is not an accident and God has trusted me with this little one and has faith in me to be a good mother. This is not a trust or a faith I am willing or wanting to break. I also remind myself that I am not the first woman to go through this and I will not (unfortunately) be the last one to either.
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