11:51p - No Advice and Don't Touch the Belly!
Although I am over half-way through this pregnancy I am still getting used to thinking of myself as pregnant at times. I am looking forward though to having my body to myself again and not having to deal with the quirks of being pregnant. For example the title of tonight's journal entry was going to be "Sneezing and the Importance of Kegels When Pregnant".... I still think I may use it for another time.
This virus I have just doesn't want to seem to let go. I am so tired and all I can think about is how much I'd just like to take some more time off and just sleep and gather my energy again. I've been running a low grade fever off and on, have had the chills and have been getting a lot of headaches. I have another doctor's appointment on Monday morning so hopefully we can get to the bottom of this and have it taken care of. I can't afford to miss work, but going to work tires me right out and I find myself going to bed when I get home and then sleeping until it is time to go to work again There are days when I feel fine, so I go at my usual pace and then I end up being knocked back again and feeling very tired.
A few nights ago I wanted to go to bed at 10. The baby had other ideas. She became so active it was difficult for me to get comfy. I didn't end up getting to sleep until past midnight. She is now big enough that when she moves around I can put my hand on my tummy and feel her move. I am able to see her move a bit more now too. I have to admit to a weird fascination seeing my belly roil around and wonder "Was that a hand or a foot or an elbow ....?" I can also feel where her head is placed at times too.
On Saturday night I went grocery shopping with my Pastor's wife and their 5 children. Going out with them is always an adventure. I have no idea how she does it. At one point in time I had the three girls with me. Debbie is 7 and the oldest girl. She has a sweet and gentle spirit. Abigail is the next youngest and has just turned 5. Abigail does not walk anywhere if she can dance or run there. The youngest is Ruthie and she is a character par excellence at age 3. Keeping an eye on the three of them was ..... interesting. I found myself saying things like "Please don't stick your head out like that, if you lose it how will I explain that to your mom?" They're good kids, have wonderful hearts and I love them. I just don't know how Dee keeps her eyes on them all though since going out with them is like trying to herd cats. After shopping I was so tired all I wanted was to put the things away and crawl into bed and just stay there. Forever.
When we were finished Dee drove me home and the kids helped me bring in my groceries. I really appreciated the help. Debbie was asking me about the baby and at that time the baby started to move. I let Debbie put her hand on my belly so she could feel the baby and her eyes got so big. I guess I am ok with people touching my belly as long as I initiate it and it doesn't feel intrusive. I am still thinking of making up a t-shirt though that reads "No Advice and don't touch the belly!"
I am still confused as to why some people feel the need to share any pregnancy and labour horror stories with people, in particular with pregnant women. I am also confused as to why some people feel they can come up to a pregnant woman and without asking permission or anything like that just start to touch her belly. I do not want to hear how I am carrying "high" or that I am not showing as much as so and so. Neither do I want to hear people telling me I am not as big as I should be or that I am bigger than I should be at this stage of my pregnancy. I have been told that by the way I am walking I am having a boy. I have been told that by the way I am showing I am having a girl. I have been told that girls are easier. I have been told boys are easier. I have been told "natural childbirth is best". I have been told "get an epidural". Sometimes I think I prefer the old days when the woman was knocked out and presented the child when it was all over.
In one of the many many articles about pregnancy that I read I came across an item about pregnant women tending to deal with emotional stuff and thinking of their past more than they did pre-pregnancy. That was not a big surprise for me to read but it was nice to know that this level of introspection I am going through is par for the course while pregnant.
I've been thinking a lot about my parents and my childhood. Ever since finding out I am pregnant my Dad has not talked to me except for taking a message twice from me to let my Mom know I had called. I miss my Dad very much and I wish he could understand that I need him during this time as much as I need my Mom.
Had I been having a boy I would have named him after my Dad. I cannot think of a better man to name my child after. My Dad has qualities that I admire, like, and respect very much. He is loyal and faithful. He has a lot of integrity and he is a hard worker. I am very proud of my parents and who they are. I am particularly proud of my Dad in that he moved here from Ireland with practically nothing and has made a good life here in Canada for he and our family. He is also the only man in my life who has consistently loved me. Although he is not talking to me I do know he loves me. This distance between us really hurts.
While talking to my Mom I learned that my Dad had just been diagnosed with the beginning stages of Macular Degeneration. In other words my Dad is going to lose his eyesight in one, if not both., eyes. My Dad is a very active man and is always working on something. I think for him to lose his eyesight would be devastating for him. My heart has been with my Dad so much this past weekend, and I have been praying nearly non-stop for him as well. I wish there was a way for me to let him know how much I care and that I am praying for him, and that my friends are praying as well. I wish I could just talk to him.
Under His mercy and grace,
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